Apple Cloth is back in stock — so it’s time to talk Apple Cloth 2
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There’ll be two types of Apple Cloth!
You heard that right, we’ve only just begun and have already whipped the rug out from under you. The next generation of the Apple Cloth won’t be one single bit of rectangular fabric, there’ll be two versions: the Apple Cloth 2 and the Apple Cloth Pro.
Let’s start with the former.
The Apple Polishing Cloth 2: More of the same, but MORE
Let’s turn to our old friend, the bullet point, to sum up Tim Cook’s main talking points when he unveils the Apple Cloth 2 in front of a heaving auditorium:
The crowd will go wild. And then Tim will smile and tell us that’s not all.
“The Apple Cloth 2 will come in an array of different colors,” he’ll say.
At this point in the presentation,Mr. Tim Applewill wave down the audience’s rapturous applause, which will have been raging like a wildfire for the past several days.
He’ll look from left to right, his expression serious, yet profound. “Now for a first in Apple’s entire history…” he’ll begin, before uttering the words:
The Apple Polishing Cloth Pro
You’re not a dirty animal, are you? A filthy little weeping scab? A nasty little toelicker? Didn’t think so. Of course you’re not. That’s why you need the Apple Cloth Pro.
Yeah, I’m sure the standard edition is fine for most people, but are you most people? Or are you special? AProperson?
The naysayers may claim that the Apple Polishing Cloth Pro is just a bigger version of the Apple Cloth with a lot of fancy marketing words, butof coursethey wouldn’t understand how innovative the new Retina Microfiber Universal Liquid Repeller fabric technology is.
But you do. Oh my lord, you get it. Get it better than anyone. Everyone. And you need it. No,requireit. Because you’re you, not like them.Them.Not likethemat all.
And you’ll never believe what’s coming with the Apple Cloth 3.
Story byCallum Booth
Callum Booth is a freelance journalist with over a decade of experience. Previously, he was the Managing Editor of TNW, where his reporting(show all)Callum Booth is a freelance journalist with over a decade of experience. Previously, he was the Managing Editor of TNW, where his reporting was cited widely, including in VICE, the FT, and the BBC.
Callum’s writing has appeared in The Verge, The Daily Telegraph, Time Out, and many more. He covers the full spectrum of technology, with a particular focus on how it shapes our daily lives. And a lot of regulation stuff too.
Outside of work, Callum’s an avid bookworm, a Fisherman’s Friends addict, and resolutely unshaven. Follow him on Twitter @CallumBooth or visit www.callumbooth.net.
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